What is Master the Masculine?
Master the Masculine means achieving maximum happiness and fulfillment as a man by being your best possible You. There are too many Nice Guys out there these days, men who have been raised to please others and put themselves last. They don’t ask for what they need or want, they don’t say what they’re really feeling, they won’t tell anyone “no” or enforce their boundaries. They probably don’t even know what they need, what they’re feeling, or where their boundaries are. As a result, they’re living life completely for other people and suppressing who they really are. This kind of needy, fake, immature boy-man doesn’t get along well with other men, and isn’t attractive to women. Worse yet, Nice Guys can only suppress their natural human needs for so long before they act out in some way, possibly doing great harm to themselves and their loved ones, often without understanding why they did what they did.
The purpose of Master the Masculine is to help Nice Guys become Real Men. A Real Man is just that — real. He speaks his honest thoughts and feelings, no matter how bad it might make him look, so you always know where you stand with him. He has rough edges and life passion, which makes him interesting and attractive. He puts himself first and meets his own needs, not because he’s selfish but because he can better take care of others when he himself is fulfilled. He’s still nice, but it’s because he wants to be, not because he’s afraid of what other people think. He has the confidence to talk to anyone without worrying about rejection, and he’s good at making friends and meeting women. He’s strong in body, mind, and spirit. He takes charge of his life, finds his passions, sets and achieves powerful goals, and inspires others do the same. He lives an exciting, fulfilling life and acts as a force for good in the world.
The world needs more Real Men. That’s the goal at Master the Masculine.
Who is Ryan?
I’m Ryan Hyer, and I’m a former Nice Guy. My passion is teaching Nice Guys to be Real Men, because making that journey myself has made me happy in a way I could never have imagined, and I want to share that!
I know what it’s like to be a Nice Guy because I was one for over 30 years. And I know how to make the transformation to Real Man, because I’ve done it myself. Frankly, it was pure hell, a path fraught with pain, blood, sweat, and tears. Mine and other people’s. It was made worse by all the dishonest, unhealthy crap I’d done as a Nice Guy, which I needed to face up to and fix as best I could. But it’s a path I don’t regret walking, because of where it’s led me. Now I want to share what I’ve learned with other guys who need it, so they can change their lives without having to go through the same hell.
You see, like many other Nice Guys, I had lived in toxic shame for my entire life, over 30 years. I believed that I was a broken person, and could never be good enough, no matter how hard I tried. I believed that I had no worth, because I wasn’t “perfect”. Therefore, out of shame, I hid my authentic self behind a mask of niceness, taking care of others, and conforming to the outward expectations of my society and my religion. If I couldn’t be perfect, I tried to at least appear perfect on the outside. Inwardly, I knew I was not being authentic. My attempts to hide from that reality led me to unhealthy behaviors that hurt myself and others, and only compounded my shame.
One dark night, seven years ago, I guess it finally caught up to me, how much I hated the person I was and the duplicitous way I was living. A feeling of absolute despair and emptiness overcame me. I made a fateful decision that started me on the path that has led to today. I’m happy to say that I did not decide to just give it all up. Instead, I decided to start being honest about myself and taking responsibility for myself, no matter what. I didn’t see any possibility that anybody could continue to love me, or even like me, but I was determined to do it anyway, for my own inner peace. It was the only way I could continue to live with myself.
That decision was the beginning of many years of hard work that I wasn’t sure I would survive at times. But I persevered. While on that journey of transformation, I studied and learned and grew and changed. I destroyed the old Nice Guy me, and out of his ashes the Real Man me was born. The life-changing lessons I learned along the way are now found in my 5 Pillars of Manliness program, which I teach in the Get Your Balls Back workshop.
So am I perfect now? No way, not according to the popular definition, anyway. I still have flaws and weaknesses, and I still make mistakes. I’m still learning and growing, and I always will be. But my shame is gone. I have become a person that I like. I’m not afraid to express my authentic self. I’m not afraid to be a man. In spite of what I used to believe, there are tons of amazing people that like and love me, even if I’m not “perfect”.
My life has not magically become smooth or problem-free, but I am happy. That happiness, compared to the destructive life of self-loathing I lived years ago, is what drives me to teach what I teach. I’m not a businessman, and I never thought of myself as a teacher until recently. I’m learning a lot of this as I go. But I believe in the power of my message of authentic masculinity, and I want to get that out to as many men as possible. I love watching lives change for the better in my weekly men’s group, and in my workshops, and I want to do more of that. I would be honored if you would join me in that journey.